Passing the Inevitable

Girl took a deep breath and tried to find the lightest greating she could muster. Meeting her best friend in a restaurant was nothing out of the ordinary but this time she knew she was in trouble.

‘Hey dude what it do?’ she said when she approached his table. Girl’s smile faded into a smirk as she was met with a cold stare from Boy. Immediately she knew that he had a talk with his girlfriend. She could read him like a book. 

‘I see you spoke to her, and from the ice bullets you are throwing from your eyes, it was not a good conversation’

Boy kept staring at her, it scared him how much she could read from his expressions. But instead of letting that excite him, he decided to hold his ground. He maintained his cold stare until her smirk completely faded into a serious face. She sat down slowly and faced him. One of his favourite things to do is watch the transitions on her face, from joy to mischief, from mischief to seriousness. Oh the stories he read from her face alone, he could write sagas from her expressions alone. His stare softened a little and he saw the look of confusion that often took over her face when she could not read him. It was now clear to Boy, that Girl could read anything on his face except for one thing. Longing. She could never read his longing for her. Their communication often never needed words, but today he decided that he may have to articulate the feelings that she could never read in him. 

‘Look’, she started, ‘I am sorry of you feel like I overstepped but I do not regret what I did okay.’

He shifted his weight slightly and tipped his head slightly to the left, but he never took his eyes off her. He learnt that his silence could harvest more of Girl’s feelings than any words ever could. As if on cue, she took a deep breath and he knew what would come next, monologue. 

‘Boy, look, I dunno what she told you, but just in case we have different stories, I am gonna tell you my side of the story okay?’

Boy set his head straight again but kept looking at her. She never looked at him whenever she launched into her monologues and that was always the best time for him to watch her with abandon. She would be too busy scrambling for words to read the feelings in his eyes. He could make his face a stone wall, but his eyes were singing canaries. They hid nothing. 

‘I will take your silence as you saying I must go ahead and tell you’

Boy stood his ground in silence.

‘I walked to the mall last week and I saw your girlfriend in what looked like an intimate conversation with another man. I was gonna dismiss this till I saw that the man was holding her bag. So I flat out asked her what was going on. She had the audacity to tell me that it was none of her business. You know how much I hate that statement. So I asked her point blank if this guy she was walking with knew that she has a man. And she once again said this was none of her business. So I kindly told the dude she was with to please get his hands off her bag and she told him to stay put. I told her that you do not deserve to be treated this way coz you are genuine about your feelings for her and you treat her well. She then turned on me and said that you are not as genuine as I think you are. At least not to yourself. That if you were true to yourself you would not be wasting time with her. I looked at her and asked her flat out to tell me what the hell she was talking about. That you are a great guy, and you can get anyone you want to date but you chose her and she should at least respect that. She smirked in my face and walked right into my personal space. You know how much I hate people in my personal space eeew. I just about put my hands on her to smack some sense into her then she said, ‘Is that what you think? That he chose me out of everyone because I am the one he wanted? I guess you guys are not as joined at the hip as you think you are.’ I pushed her back and I said to her, if she wanted to dump you, she should have just done that instead of cheat. And there was no need to attack me if she was feeling guilty for being caught. She then said, ‘you did not catch me, I am just being honest unlike the two of you.’ She grabbed this guy she was with and kissed him, right on the lips, in front of me. The guy was shocked by the kiss, you should have seen his eyes big as flying saucers. I think he was asking her out but she was on the fence till she kissed him. I swear I have no idea what the hell that was about but until she kissed him, I had not even realised that they were not together. I was so busy defending you that I did not realise that I may have pushed her towards another guy. She wanted to stop the kiss but he did not let her, and he started to kiss her back and after watching her passionately kiss this dude for another 20 seconds, I realised that she had just cut the conversation short. I took a pic as I walked off coz I was not sure if you would believe me if I told you.’

Boy looked at her as a humble look came over her face. He had been so busy watching her that he was half listening to her explanation about the incident in the mall. His friend Jerome had been working a shift in the tiger store close to the entrance and he had witnessed the whole thing. He told him everything that happened but this was the first time he had heard the details of the conversation. To be honest, Bujou was not his girlfriend. They had been on several dates over the last few months and she had been honest with him that her view of dating was more old school than what people made it to be today. She had explained that back in the day, girls and boys would go on dates with several different people to get to know them, then they would choose one person to go steady with and then they would become exclusive. He had never tried this, so he found it interesting. 

He went on several dates with Bujou but he never told Girl about the details of their relationship. She always gave him space whenever he was dating. She said it was the best way for him to build a more solid relationship with whoever he was with. But when she gave him space, he missed her so much that all he did was talk about Girl on all their dates. So as much as they were dating, Bujou became a friend that he could freely talk to about Girl. In turn Bujou spoke about her best friend, she had loved him for years but had never had the guts to tell him how she felt. He was always dating some girl and she had decided that she would rather have him as a friend forever than boyfriend momentarily. 

Of course from the outside, people had no idea that this is how things were between Bujou and Boy. They got on like a house on fire, but they got on so well because they understood each other’s positions and never gave each other pressure to be or do more than they could at that time. At some point they thought that they were each other’s answers and they tried kissing, but there was no spark between them. The kiss however brought them closer, not because they liked each other, but because they understood each other. Boy felt that his feelings for Girl were safe with Bujou, and Bujou felt the same. Whenever either one needed to talk, they never denied each other the time. They hung out all the time. And in the process, they grew to depend on each other. 

A week ago Bujou had come over and told him that she could not see him anymore coz thanks to the incident caused by Girl, she had managed to get the guts to kiss her best friend without preamble in the mall. And that kiss led to a long conversation about giving it a try. And now she was with the man she truly loved thanks to the girl that Boy truly loved. She had encouraged him to get the guts to finally confess to Girl but he had been thrown so far at sea by that thought that he shut Girl out for a week. He had no clue how he was gonna do this but a conversation he had with Bujou helped him. She said, she got the guts to kiss her friend because the opportunity presented itself. Something that Girl had said in her rambling had lit up with the potential of being the opportunity he had been waiting for. 

‘Do you really thing that is true?’ Boy asked

‘What do you mean, I just told you exactly what happened. Why would I lie to you’

‘You said you told her that I can get any girl that I want’

‘Yes I did tell her that’

‘Any girl’

‘Did I stutter?’ She said looking at her with that inquisitive expression he loved.

‘Any girl?’ He asked again to her exasperation

‘Dude, you are the only person I know with a 100% success rate on asking girls out. There is not even one girl who refused to give you her number’

‘So you think that I can get any girl?’

She pursed her lips at him, half frowning while squinting her eyes.’ I see there is a point I am missing, you may as well get to it coz I am not repeating myself’

‘Even you?’

Her heart skipped a beat, she looked into his eyes and saw it again, longing. She was sure of it. But she always feigned confusion whenever she saw it. She pulled her eyes from his and looked beyond him. Her mind was scrambling for some way out of this conversation. She was professional at deflecting his feelings and feigning ignorance was getting harder and harder. How would she answer now. 

He could see her mind at work, she was probably trying to comprehend what he was saying and why. If Bujou had taught him anything, it was seizing the moment.

Girl took a deep breath.’Is this because of what I said she said? You know that we are friends and people mostly mistake us for more but we have been through this enough times to…’

‘They are not wrong though’

‘About what?’

‘You are smart and no one can read me like you. You know what I am saying.’

‘We have talked about this several times and we agreed that being friends is best.’

‘Correction, you have talked and I have listened and agreed. You are the most rational person I know and you can explain away feelings like you are writing a scientific thesis but I am tired Girl.’

She looked away again, thinking. She hoped that he would never bring it up again because she knew that every time he brought up becoming more than friends her defences were breaking. The last conversation they had about this had left her defences in ruins. She was so scared of showing what was in her heart to this man that she was so sure would ruin her.

‘Boy, we have talked about this over and over and I have given you reason after reason why I think we are fine as we are.’

‘And I have given you reasons time and time again about why we would work’

‘I thought you were in love with Bujou, I mean I actually like her. I think you guys are so good together. If you need me to talk to her to take you back I will. If you need me to give you more space to work thongs through I will.’

‘That is the problem, every time you give me space to be with a girl, I miss you more than I can say, all I end up doing is talk about you and these women dump me left right and centre coz of you’

‘Because of me?’ She was taken aback by what he said, she felt the same but she would never dare say it. If she said it, then it would become real. She took another deep breath

‘Before you explain away my feelings as you do so well, can you give me a chance to talk about this.’

‘You love Bujou. Why are you doing this? Am I some back up because she kissed some guy?’

Boy knew that it was time to come clean about his relationship with Bujou. About all of it.

‘Girl, Bujou was not my girlfriend, we were…’

‘I have seen you kiss her more than once. Since when do you do casual relationships?’

‘It was not casual’

‘So what was it?’

‘Did you ever see me passionately kiss her?’

‘Do I have to analyse your kisses now?’

‘This is not going the way I planned.’

‘Wait you planned this? What is going on?’

‘I love you Girl.’

‘And I love you Boy but we both know it is not that kind of love’

‘It is for me’

‘Since when? You are a serial dater, how would you date all these girls if you feel something for me? I know I am clearly not what you want coz you always go for girls who look like Bujou, they are your type. And I am nothing like all of them’

‘Is that what you think?’

‘Take out your phone Boy.’

‘What is this about?’

‘Humor me.’

He took his phone out. 

‘Show me a pic of Bujou’

He did. 

‘Look at this’ She took out her phone and went through the instagram profiles of five of his latest exes, and all of the girls looked similar, they even had the same instagram poses. Boy noticed that she was absolutely right. He had not even noticed this about himself but clearly she had. 

‘Out of all these girls, the only real on was Bujou, and I think that you are making a mistake if you let her go.’

‘Tell me you have never imagined us together’

‘Of course I have’

They were both shocked by her answer, she more than he was.

‘And…’ He asked hopefully

‘You know I think over every decision in my life carefully and you and me…’

‘Uhuh’

‘You love someone else.’ She pivoted

‘I do not love bujou, not in the way you think.’

‘In what way then?’

‘Girl, you can talk me into a hole. And you are trying to change the subject but I am not gong to allow it this time. If you want the play by play on my relationship with Bujou, I will gladly give it to you but she is not the one I love. And I am not the one she loves. That is all I will say about that right now. As far as who I love, it is you. Only you. I have done all I can to respect your rational explanations of why we would never work, but my heart has never listened to that. I cannot live without you and it has never been more clear to me than it is now. Because you like Bujou, you cut me off and I felt at sea. You only hung out with me when she was around and all I wanna do is just have some time alone with you. At night my arms ache to hold you, when I see something funny, I wanna tell you. Every time I cook I wish I was cooking with you. I never wanna see you hurt and the thought of you dating someone, or marrying someone drives me up the wall.’

‘I hardly date though.’

He looked at her shocked.’That is what you heard from all I said?’

She took another deep breath. She was getting light headed from all he was saying to her. This was heavily complicating her life. 

He could see the colour drain from her face but he chose to continue, ’Look, I know it is a lot for you to handle right now but I thought it is better for me to be honest. Remember when you had surgery two years ago, and I moved in to help you. That one night you were in pain and you asked me to sleep with you. I held you all night and you slept like a baby. Remember?

She had played that night in her mind more times than she could ever admit. 

‘I know I am not the only one who felt that’ he said to drill the point. 

‘I was not feeling well’

He looked at her for a long time, she could barely look him in the eye but he could see her pulse racing in her neck. He knew that she would be burning up. He called the waiter and asked for some water. She never looked up. He opened the bottle and slid it in front of her. She took the water reluctantly and felt exposed. She drank enough to cool her down and put the bottle down. Boy took his chair and slid it right next to her. 

‘You always say that you do not want to date me because you do not want to lose me. You keep saying that if we break up we will never be friends again. But I am willing to risk it.’

‘Remember Joe’, she said. ‘Me you and Joe were thick as thieves, till Joe and I started dating. You stood by us and watched as Joe literally destroyed me. You even set me straight when I was struggling to move on. Now Joe neither talks to me nor you. And then there was Tim, me you and Tim were thick as thieves. Till Tim pursued me and his ex at the same time and when I agreed he chose his ex. Then when I tried to cut him off he went to all my friends and yours trying to push them to convince me to keep him as a friend. Two years later when I was with Phil, I had to work with Tim on a project and his girl made my life a nightmare. We will not talk of the rest of the guys. You know my history better than anyone else out there. Show me one guy who is still as close as you are to me. And you know how hard it is for me to make female friends besides my two accountability partners. I am not just being super rational and academic about my feelings here. I have experienced this. I miss the friend I had in Tim. He was my soccer and rugby buddy. Joe was my art buddy. Phil, I told Phil everything, he was the friend who held me together when my world was falling apart. I miss them all as friends and I can never have them back.’

She took another sip of water and looked Boy in the eyes,’I know what you are talking about, I felt the same when you held me and I wished every night was like that. But you mean the world to me and I do not want to lose you like I lost the rest.’

‘So you are perpetually putting me in the friend zone because you think you will lose me’

‘And you are willing to have a few months of your feelings validated at the risk of losing me.’

‘I see a lifetime with you.’

‘So did Tim, Phil and Joe, but where are they now? I am done dating friends, it hurts too much to lose them and there is no making it back to friendship after the break up’

‘But I remember you always said it was possible for men and women to be friends’

‘Do you remember the condition’

‘Yes, after they pass the inevitable’

‘Exactly, as I expected that either I would have feelings for you, or you would have feelings for me, or we would have feelings for each other. But we have always talked about this and made it past the inevitable feelings popping up. And look at us B, we have been friends longer than anyone else. We have moved countries together and started lives in new places together. We have even been living together for years now and we are all good. Why do you want to change things now?’

‘Why did you break up with Joe?’

‘He wanted to have a secret relationship that allowed him to be a free agent while keeping me on a leash. You know this.’

‘And why did you cut Tim off?’

‘He was just trying me, I was a conquest for him. He wanted to prove that he could get out of the friend zone.’

‘And Phil?’ 

‘He was holding me back and he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life. He also would not even come see me one city away’

‘Am I like any of these guys?’

‘No…but’

‘But what?’

‘B…I can’t lose you huh’ she leaned close to him and put her hand on his cheek. He leaned on her palm, turned his face and kissed her palm. She froze. Something was happening to her body in reaction to his kiss and he leaned in and got closer to her. She could barely breathe. As he leaned in to kiss her, her phone rang and she kept at it for a reprieve. It was her mom. She hated calls from her mom but this day she would take her mother’s nagging over this conversation. 

‘Hey mom,’ she spoke into the phone as she escaped the restaurant. It was the usual. When was she going to get serious about getting married, when would she get a proper job, when was she going to give her mother grand babies. She answered as politely as she could. After she hung up, she decided to leave Boy alone in that restaurant. She had left her bag in the restaurant but there was no way she was getting back in there. She was glad she had her phone and she called a bolt and went back on campus and tried to put together her readings for the next proposal she had to make. The call for conference papers had been sent out by her supervisor that morning and she went on slack and volunteered to write something about the project she was in charge of. Boy called, several times. He later sent a text to say he was headed home and he had taken her bag with him. What on earth was she gonna do now. She knew that he had awakened something in her that she had never allowed to grow. And she had to face him when she went home. Thankfully she had some stuff at Sharon’s and she asked to sleep over after research. 

When Girl did not come home, Boy was not surprised. She was a runner, she had always run every time that he had brought feelings up. And eventually she would come around. He had made a firm decision to make it out of the friend zone this time, and he would make it out for good. The adventure was about to start and he could not wait for her to come back home. Probably in the next two days she would be home, he welcomed the time alone, he needed a strategy and this time, it had to be a good one.

To be continued…..